Side Guys: It’s Still Sex Even if You Don’t Have Intercourse: Non-Penetrative Sex Comes Out of the Closet

In 2013, Joe Kort, Ph.D. and Certified Sex Therapist coined the term “side” in an article in the Huffington Post about gay men who don’t engage in penetration. Since then, he has created a Facebook group called “Side Guys” in which more than 8,000 men have found others who identify as such. Then in 2020, the gay dating site Grindr added “side” as sexual preference, further legitimizing the term. These actions have created a breakthrough for “sides” to overcome the derision often delivered by other gay men who consider being “tops” or “bottoms” the only “real sex” worth having.In this, Dr. Kort's latest book, he shares his own story, and those of the countless men who have expressed their gratitude for finally being able to stand tall for their new identity.“Queer men often feel so much shame for their sexual desires (or lack thereof). We feel like there are only a couple of ‘proper ways’ to have ‘gay sex.’ If we’re not a power bottom with a juicy booty, a Dom top with a thick 8-incher, or a vers prince who flips easily in the sack—we’re aberrations, not normal, not ‘real gays.’ Spoiler: that’s far from the truth, and Dr. Kort knows this firsthand. By sharing his and others’ experiences with being sides, Dr. Kort helps reveal the myriad of ways we can have pleasurable sex, all while removing shame from the equation.”Zachary Zane, Author of Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto“By coming up with ‘sides,’ Joe Kort gave gay men who don’t enjoy anal sex a positive way to describe themselves — instead of having to tell other gay guys what they aren’t (not a top, not a bottom, not vers). Thanks to Joe these guys now get to tell other gay men what they are: they’re sides.”Dan Savage, Sex and Relationship Columnist and Podcaster Read more